June 3, 2018

When Shame Weasels In


Shame won't win

Shame has an interesting way of sneaking in. It subtly slabs on brick by brick to our walls that slowly build until we have a room that feels dark and hidden. It keeps us from talking in that conversation because we don’t want to talk about that. We avoid those hangouts because we think they may see right through us. We runaway and we avoid. We feel the lens they see us through may change because of what happened. Relationships can start to feel more distant – shame has a way of weaseling in and isolating. It may not mean you aren’t surrounded by people, it may just mean you won’t allow yourself to connect with your heart. The more we sit in shame the more we isolate our hearts.

That process of overcoming shame can be a lot more delicate than taking a sledgehammer to those walls. It can be taking down each brick by brick, which is taking leaps and bounds. Allowing our heart to connect and allow light to be shed, breaks chains and allows the walls to eventually be torn down.

The amazing Brene Brown stated in her book Daring Greatly, “If we share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”

That kind of vulnerability in a safe space allows us to be able to shed light on a place in our lives that feels dark and hidden. We can’t let shame win over. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and extremely hard but in safe places it allows us to breathe, to know we’re not alone, to live unashamed, to really connect, and to live freely and boldly. We don’t have to carry the weight of it.  From one human to another I’m still battling my shame monsters but I refuse to let them win. And if you are battling shame, you are not alone. You’re loved deeply and it doesn’t define you. You are so strong and you are ENOUGH. Your story is incredibly powerful. And you don’t have to allow shame to take over. It won’t survive when there is a strong and safe place that allows light to be shed.

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